posted on January 18, 2019
I didn’t want to write this but my coworkers encouraged me to do it anyway.
Why? Because I’m not really training.
It’s not that I don’t want to train. I didn’t for awhile (see last month’s training log for what I was doing while feeling burnt out). I should have recognized that for the sign it was. At this point I really just can’t.
I won’t go into details, but I’ve been dealing with some health issues for the past few months, and they’ve really come to head in the past 8 weeks or so. I thought this was something I could power through on my own, or that I was exaggerating to myself. Turns out that was wrong. I’m meeting up with lots of doctors now and have hope that things will get better eventually, but in the meantime, training with any real intensity is completely out.
I’ve dropped almost all lifting, definitely all hard conditioning (goodbye Cardio Lab classes), and all running. I’m still trying to get to yoga 2-3 times per week, but find myself taking child’s pose a lot more often. I’m trying to do a few resistance exercises every other day to slow down the muscle atrophy I’m experiencing. And I’m spending a lot of time on the elliptical. A whole lot. Mostly because I can read while doing it, and getting a bit of a sweat on helps with any health anxiety that crops up.
I won’t lie: this has been really difficult for me. I miss being able to challenge myself physically. I don’t like being this tired all the time. I don’t like how my body feels – weaker than it’s been in many years.
My consolation is that I now have more time to focus on some of the other things I love. With the Strength Project getting under way and a second #powerful (women)’s class each week, I’m excited to focus more intently on coaching. I’m spending a lot more time writing about things that matter to me – mainly self-care practices for women that spend all of their time and energy on others and not enough of it on themselves. And I’m reading so much more. I’ve finished three books so far this month, and counting.
One of the things that keeps me feeling sane without training is a regular practice of gratitude. Casey asked me to start this practice within the first few weeks of meeting him. I’m still doing it and need it more now than ever. Sometimes I resist it; nothing feels like it’s going the right way, or I’m in a lot of pain. But I always find something, and I always feel better for it.
No, I can’t train right now. But I have a great place to live, plenty of food and water and clothing, a silly lovable dog, an amazing job working with people I genuinely care about, a great support system. Life is pretty good.