posted on October 15, 2018
Being in the coaching spotlight is something I look forward to every single day. I love my clients and the members I teach and I think it’s no secret that I love to push them hard. Everyone that has worked out with me is, by now, suuuuper familiar with my so-called “maniacal laughter” when things get a little spicy. But I definitely have two sides: my well put together, has an answer for everything (or will at least attempt to find out the answer for you) and methodical coaching side and then my everything is falling apart, self-sabotaging and constantly whining athlete side.
What I love about UF is that we practice what we preach but it’s a fallacy that coaches don’t fail. In fact, we fail just as hard if not harder than the clients we teach despite knowing better. But that’s often why coaches have coaches—to bring us back down to reality when we are floating up in the abyss of self destruction and bad habits. It can be so easy to put your coach on a fitness pedestal, forgetting that they are indeed human too. So I’m here to confess all of my athletic sins to you, in hopes that the next time you yourself are floating in that abyss you can know that it’s normal and there’s hope.
So it’s time that I get real with y’all and tell you all the ways I’m self sabotaging on the post-baby-back -to -“normal” journey:
Dogging (or plain avoiding) my cardio workouts
Lifting weights is fun. You get that good endorphin rush, muscle pump and there’s just something about the sound of clinking weights that gives me those good good chills. What is not fun? Cardio. What is necessary sometimes? Cardio. Ugh. So by the time I convince myself to test out (read: suffer through) one of my Cardio Lab creations, I end up putting the least amount of effort in as possible.
Because we practice what we preach, I track and log my daily food intake. Most days it hovers between 1300-1600 calories, which between working out, breastfeeding and just my daily caloric needs, I know is not enough.
Comparing myself to my previous self
It’s always a bad, very bad, terrible idea to look at old pictures of yourself when you were younger sans kids, thinner with less gray hairs and a face like you just slept twelve hours straight each night for the last five years. A very bad idea. When Facebook pops up with those “Look at this post from X years ago…” I can’t help but compare myself to where I was X years ago. I’m constantly reading these articles all about “embracing your postpartum body” and quite honestly I want to rip them to shreds and slap the author. Yeah yeah, maybe I should embrace a little harder, instead of just whining so much.
Thinking I’m never doing enough
Free time is sparse when three young kids are involved. Add in a full time job, a pinch of single momhood and a sprinkle of Mom Guilt™ and you have a recipe for super speedy bare minimum workouts. I’m constantly battling those nagging thoughts in the back of my mind that I’m not doing enough to get to where I want to be.
Expecting progress overnight
I do one set of abdominal work and instantly check my stomach expecting to see a six pack. I eat correctly for one day and step on the scale expecting to see the numbers drop automatically. Ridiculous, I know and maybe slightly exaggerating here…but only slightly.
Weighing myself too often (and obsessing about the number)
Every.damn.day. It’s too often. I only obsess about the number for the rest of the day and it even affects my food choices for the day. I’m letting my scale rule my life right now and it sucks.
Not sleeping enough
One word: Baby. Need more be said? And if you’ve ever had a baby that slept longer than two hours at a time then don’t talk to me because I hate you.
Basically this whole list is one big giant excuse. Waaaah. I’ve been surrounded by the baby long enough that I’m beginning to turn into one myself.
Being too hard on myself
I face this one every day: I’m too tired. I’m too weak. I’ll never be strong. I’ll never be fast or quick or lean. I hate on my stretch marks, my wrinkles and my gray hair. I pine for something, anything other than what I am or where I’m at. Oh yeaaaahhhh, totally healthy thoughts *sarcasm*.
So there you have it folks. There is no happy ending to my self sabotaging sins right now, no problem solving and definitely no “let’s look on the bright side” talk. These are just things I’m facing at the moment, accepting them for being there and what they are. One day I’ll tackle them one by one but for now, damn it, everything sucks. And knowing that it can be a normal part of the process helps. So the next time you’re complaining to your coach about how everything hurts and how much Cardio Lab sucks, know that we really do it mean it when we say that we understand.